50 Shades (Film)

So  ladies and gents. I actually went to go and see 50 Shades. And I don't really know what to say.

 

Firstly, let me paint you a picture. After being ear-bent by my friend to go and see it, I finally caved. This ‘friend’ later decided they no longer wanted to see it in fear of seeing somebody they knew at the cinema. However by this time I had my mind set about going to see it. So I did. On my own. How Awkward.

I’m not too sure if it was just the film or the crap content (see earlier post to read me slating the book), but I found it genuinely painful to watch.

The acting was rather wooden, and not helped by the score like some bad acting. This is not to say that score was crap as Danny Elfman actually bossed it (as per) when it did kick in and some of the tunes that are involved are amazing and honestly, the only reason that I stayed in the cinema.

This film it meant to be about chemistry amongst other things, and there just wasn’t any there. Also, a completely petty point, but Jamie (Mr Grey) has really strange thumbs- they look more like a big toe, and for a person who doesn’t really like feet, having mutant toe-hands blown up on the screen is not ideal.

Celestial music is played when Ana is placed on a cross for sexytime. Now, in all honesty I found this super awkward to watch, along with the shots used it just made for a super cheesy and cliché scene.

The accuracy of the film is also a little off; I know it’s yet again a minor point. But if you’re aiming to make a box-office smash hit, PLEASE MAKE IT ACCURATE.

So my point is: audiences are allowed to read the characters texts Hollyoaks-style. Yet - Mr Grey has an iphone. Check. And Ana has a beat up old phone (not a smartphone of any sort). Check. So the colour of the text should be green right? WRONG. Its blue and blue is for imessages in my mind. I don’t know why this tiny detail bugs me so much, but it does.  SORT IT OUT.

However, it has to be said that in its first week it did smash it in the cinema, but whether people enjoyed it or not is another matter.

I don’t know if I noticed these petty things in the first place because I found the film that boring, or if others picked up on it? (If you’ve watched it please let me know).

Overall- I certainly wouldn’t watch it again, but for those of you who do wanna see it- go for it & get it out of your system!

I realise this isn’t really a constructive review- but I have nothing to say but rant, so sorry ‘bout that.

Let me know your opinions on the film by email or comment.